The Pursuit of Comfort

I really had no idea that becoming a parent would involve learning so much about myself. I was prepared to learn about my kids, to learn some strategies, even to learn about God. I thought I knew myself fairly well... turns out I've got a lot to learn about a lot of things!

One area I'm learning lots about these days is just how much I like being comfortable, and how my pursuit of comfort manifests itself in different areas of my life. I try to avoid discomfort in all sorts of ways in my parenting. I find it uncomfortable to move closer to the kids when I need to talk to them; I'd much rather holler from a distance. I don't really enjoy bundling them up to go outside on a snowy day; I'm much more comfortable indoors. Learning how to stay connected with my kids in the middle of the most trying moments has certainly been rewarding, but I wouldn't say the process of un-learning and learning different ways of parenting has been comfortable; it's distinctly uncomfortable at times. And here's one from this morning: I dislike offering sincere apologies to my children when I've screwed up. I find a certain comfort in the "I'm right, they're wrong, and they deserve what's coming to them" line of thinking; it's easier than humbling myself, acknowledging my harsh words and actions, and asking for forgiveness. I've written before about my love of comfort as a parent - apparently it's time to work on it again... and again...

What's really been hitting me the last while, though, is how very dangerous the pursuit of comfort can be. The consequences are fairly easy to see when I reflect on my relationships - an unwillingness to practice humility and 'inconvenience' myself will limit the depth of those relationships. But what happens when my unwillingness to step in to uncomfortable situations motivates me when I'm confronted with suffering in the world around me? Will I be too busy making myself comfortable to make a difference? Will I, like the priest and the Levite in the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10), avert my eyes and walk by because getting too close to suffering is inconvenient and painful? And what happens when entire groups of people - churches, cities, nations - actively pursue comfort? Is that perhaps, in part, what is perpetuating the inequities and injustices present in our world today?

This has been a bit of a journey for me. After meeting a man named Roy last July, I've had a number of interesting encounters. And it's all felt, well, uncomfortable. But I think that's the point. I think that growth, especially the kind of transformation Paul talks about in Romans 12:2, is going to feel awkward and even painful at times. Whenever Jesus spoke of the cost of being his disciple, he painted a pretty grim picture - see Luke 9:57-62 or 14:25-27, for example. And I don't think any of us can do this in our own strength. Learning how to see and think and feel and act differently will take a lot of hard work, but we're not alone - thank God, we have his Holy Spirit empowering us!

So, I'll press on. Daily, moment by moment, trying to remember to lay aside my desire for comfort, and replacing it with the pursuit of discipleship. Turning into, instead of away from, the messiness of life. And maybe, after a few thousand (million?!) baby steps, being uncomfortable will start to feel a bit more natural. And then I guess I'll have to step it up a notch - wouldn't want to get comfortable...