A Potty Training Analogy

Much of the last 18 months has been spent potty training our 3 kids. While I do feel fairly experienced at potty training, I do not feel like an expert! Because the kids are so close in age, the youngest 2 trained despite my best efforts - they mostly learned from each other. (In other words, don't ask me for advice... it's been a bit of a whirlwind and I honestly have a hard time explaining how it all happened!)

Early on, I was struck by the observation that I am not that much different than a potty training toddler at times. This observation was sparked when I caught myself thinking things like, "They know what to do, so why don't they do it?!" and "It's so frustrating - why don't they realize how much more freedom they'll have this way and how much better life will be for them??" I realized that the same could often be said of me. So often I know what I should be doing but I don't do it. I know that I need to exercise more, eat less junk food and more fruits and vegetables, and go to bed earlier. I know that I should procrastinate less and keep my stuff more organized. The list could go on and on, which is tempting because I do like making lists... part of the procrastination thing, I guess! Last week, while I was going through stuff for the garage sale, I came across a journal entry from 2003. I had written about the conviction that I needed to spend quiet time with God every day. I wrote about the need for a distinction to be made between physical rest and spiritual rest, and how even if I got adequate sleep at night I would still feel exhausted if I wasn't replenishing my spirit. I read this journal entry and had to shake my head at myself. Eight years later and I'm still working on this one! It is only in recent months that I have finally started getting up early to spend time with God, and this is only because I was desperate - I found myself in the midst of a very busy season and knew I would not be able to cope unless I took drastic measures. It has made an incredible difference in how I've been handling things, so why does it take so long to figure stuff like this out? Why is it that we so often have to get to the end of ourselves before the necessary changes are made?!

I am reassured to know that I'm in good company on this one. In Romans 7:15, 18 and 19, Paul writes, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing." I'm so glad I'm not the only one! But why do so many of us struggle with this stuff? I think part of the reason is that if it was easy to be perfect, we'd be consumed with pride and arrogance (and, therefore, far from perfect...). I think that once we realize we can't do it on our own we are in the right spot for God's power to be unleashed, and that's the only way true and lasting change will happen. For me, willpower and determination only last for so long. It is only when I acknowledge my dependence on God's power that I see results.

So, here's hoping I have learned my lesson and stop being content to live anything less than the abundant life to which I've been called. And when I do forget to be a big girl, I will remember that God has everything I need to help me grow up and do what needs to be done!

Waving the White Flag

Our parenthood journey has involved a fair bit of uncertainty. The adoption application process seemed unending at times, and had no set timeline. Even after we were approved as adoptive applicants, we still had to wait for a match. Then there was the legal risk aspect to our kids' adoptions, meaning that we had no guarantees they'd be able to stay with us after they'd been placed in our home. I have never been a big fan of anything open-ended, vague, or uncertain, so this has been a stretch for me. Many times I have been tempted to (and/or guilty of!) taking matters into my own hands in order to bring stability and certainty back into my life. My favourite example of this is when Brian jokes that even though his hands are on the wheel, I'm actually driving the van. :)

During the time we were waiting for our home study to be completed and a match to be made, I was reminded often of the story of Sarah, a kindred spirit. (See Genesis 16 and surrounding chapters.) She knew that God had promised her husband a son, but she grew tired of waiting. In my mind, this is very understandable. She was well past her child-bearing years and I totally get how she could find herself in a place where she'd want to try something drastic. So, since there was a custom which involved using a maidservant as a surrogate mother, that's what she did. And it resulted in a good deal of trouble and heartache. God used this story to remind me to wait for His timing since taking things into my own hands might end badly.

Lately, I've been dealing with uncertainty again. Fear has given birth to a desire to take control, and I'm being forced to trust God's plan and timing. I am being reminded that many (okay, MOST) things in life are not in my control. And when I remember to surrender my worries about the future to Him, I am filled with peace and calm.

A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" 
Mark 4:37-40

The One who commands the wind and the waves and has proven faithful time after time will calm the storm in my heart as I put my trust in Him.