I’ve been
thinking about expectations a lot lately. Maybe it’s because I turned 40 this
summer, or maybe it’s because of where we’re at in our parenting journey, but
I’ve been reflecting on how my life looks very different than I expected it to
look. Then a few weeks ago I heard a message in church about Mary, the mother
of Jesus. I’ve been pondering ever since, as much of what I heard
resonated deeply with me.
Mary was all
set to begin a very ‘normal’ life with Joseph when she got a visit from an
angel. The angel announced that she was beautiful and favored and blessed with
the Lord’s presence. Her response intrigues me: different translations record
that she was greatly troubled, disturbed, confused, thoroughly shaken, and her
mind was spinning, trying to figure out what the angel’s greeting could mean.
(Luke 1:28,29) Despite his positive pronouncement, Mary seemed to respond to
his greeting with a deep sense of foreboding as she tried to figure out what it
all meant. I imagine she realized very quickly that her life would never be the
same. Any expectations she had of a normal life were being shattered. The
angel’s next words confirmed her suspicion – she would become pregnant before
her marriage with Joseph was consummated. Embarking on marriage and adulthood
in a cloud of accusations and condemnation would not be part of a young woman’s
hopes, dreams and expectations for her life. And yet, the angel’s words stirred
something in Mary. Despite the dashed hopes, the far-from-normal life and the
suffering that would come her way, she gets a glimpse of the bigger story. She
is being invited to be a part of bringing the Messiah, the Rescuer, to earth!
By the time the angel is done speaking, she indicates her willingness to be
part of the plan. “Mary responded, ‘I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you
have said about me come true.’” (Luke 1:38 NLT) It’s as if she recognized that
although her life wouldn’t look much like she thought it would, it would all be
worth it.
I can
identify with letting go of expectations in the face of a new reality. When
faced with the reality of infertility, I had to let go of my dreams of being
pregnant and giving birth to babies. Those dreams were quickly replaced by
others as we embarked on an adoption journey. Expectations quickly formed – I
expected that adopting babies would be much like giving birth, minus the pain
and discomfort of pregnancy, labor and delivery! I expected parenting to come
naturally and easily. Once we realized we’d need to make some drastic changes
to our parenting style, I expected others to see the beauty in what we were
doing and support us. As our children grow, I continue to wrestle with how
reality is not matching my expectations. Like Mary, I feel troubled and
confused at times as I imagine how our future might look. My expectations of a
happy, successful, ‘normal’ family life are not being met in the way I thought
they would be. Adoption can leave deep wounds, even when adopting babies.
Parenting is way harder, and often more isolating, than I anticipated. And yet,
we have found deep joy, comfort and healing in the midst of great difficulty.
This brings
me to another part of Mary’s experience that is starting to resonate with me.
Later in the first chapter of Luke, Mary visits her cousin and sings a song of
praise to God. She sings, with wonder and gratitude, of His goodness, mercy and
love. Despite an uncertain future, she believes that He has a good plan, and
that her current circumstances will all be worth it when viewed in the light of
His redemptive plan. I am realizing that
God has much more in mind for us than anything we could have dreamed. We are
part of a much bigger story of hope, redemption and healing; not only in the
lives of our children, but in our own lives as well. Our journey continually
leads us to places of greater dependence on God, and a deepening awareness of
His unfailing love for us.
Like Mary, I
want to hold my own dreams, hopes and expectations for the future very, very
loosely. I want to be ready to follow God’s plan with joy, gratitude and an
expectant heart, trusting His heart
and resting in the knowledge that He is at work – healing, restoring and loving
us all.
