More mess, less math

I have a sneaking suspicion my left brain is a tad more well-developed than my right. I love predictability and order, logic and lists. I love that when the left brain is described, four words are used that all start with the same letter: Language, Linear, Logic, Literal. Alliterations please me. As do numbers that are the same forwards as they are backwards. Just ask my husband, my brother or my high school bff how happy I get when I see a number like this on my odometer:

(And please ignore the fact that my van was obviously not at a standstill when I took this picture. Clearly, I am not well.)

Math was one of my favourite subjects in school. Okay, I'll be honest, I just loved school. (Almost all of it - the relationships stressed me out, but that makes sense since relational stuff like nonverbal cues and emotion are part of the right brain's domain.) So it's not surprising that I've approached parenting from a left-brain, mathematical mindset. Deep down, I believe that if I can just do everything correctly, then I will get the results I want with my kids. Take sleep, for example. I find it somewhat distressing that no matter how hard I try to make sure I've done everything "right" (good food, physical activity, fresh air, little/no tv...) I still can't guarantee a good night's sleep for my kids. Shouldn't  A + B always = C?! And what about those dreaded transitions - if I give a certain son gentle reminders and a 5-minute warning, and I keep my voice calm, then he should be able to get his little behind into the van without stalling. If only parenting neatly followed "If, then" logic!

I am slowly discovering just how much my frustration level is linked to my belief that parenting can be reduced to simple arithmetic. I am learning that relationships are often messy and unpredictable, and that intimacy doesn't always take logical, linear paths. So how do I move from a left-brained approach to a more integrated approach? How do I parent in a more balanced, holistic way? Paying attention to the underlying beliefs that are driving my behaviour is a good place to start - my children are precious human beings with their own thoughts, feelings, and expectations, not numbers that can be manipulated to meet my need for order. As I am more intentional about embracing the right-brain stuff of life, such as emotions and nonverbal cues, I'll become more attuned to my own needs and the needs of others. This will enable me to know others and be known by others on a much deeper level - and that sounds like somewhere I'd like to live... A place where I'm known and loved, and am free to know and love others because of it. I've been warned that living like this takes a lot of hard work, and that it will often look a little messy, but it's like Curt Thompson said at the Tapestry Conference this past weekend: "Life is not about not being messy. It's about being creative with the messes that you have." So, here's to embracing messes as opportunities for creativity, something the kids in our lives already know how to do really well! Apparently this messy hall closet is actually a gondola (in case that wasn't immediately obvious)!

Now to convince the left side of my brain that it really will be better off if it works in harmony with the right side now and then. Remember, it's not a mess - it's an opportunity for adventure and creativity!