Monkey Bars

Sometimes I am so proud of my kids, my heart swells with love and joy. I'm not talking about those self-centered proud moments, like those rare times when they're all holding hands and walking nicely across a parking lot and all I can think about is how competent I must seem as a mother... (These proud moments fade quickly when I catch myself, less than a half hour later, shouting across the yard for the 3rd time in 2 minutes, "Logan, if you throw sand one more time we're going inside!") No, I'm talking about the pride that comes from seeing them accomplish something they didn't think they could do. I feel this pride when I watch them perform daring physical feats on playground equipment.

As I've mentioned before, Kolbie has a fairly cautious personality. At the same time, he is quite competitive, so he often finds himself in a bit of a dilemma when we play at parks. He sees other kids doing all sorts of brave and exciting things, but when he tries them himself, he ends up chickening out and calling me to come rescue him. At least, that's what he used to do. Lately, he's been impressing my socks off. My favourite example is the curved ladder that starts off vertical and ends up horizontal. A few weeks ago, he would start up the ladder, get to the point where it became horizontal, and freeze, practically trembling in fear. At first, I would pluck him off but then I figured he needed to man up, so I changed my strategy. I would stand beside him and coach him up or down, but I wouldn't take him off. After at least a dozen false starts and slow backward descents, he started to get the hang of it. Pretty soon, I didn't even have to stand beside him! The funniest thing was how quickly he transformed from trembling fear to towering self-confidence. The first time he did it totally by himself, he turned to me and said, "I'm so good at this, Mommy!" Of course, I had to agree with him! Yesterday, he did it in flip flops.

I think what makes me so happy in these situations is watching him persevere through his fear. I know he feels afraid when he gets too high and starts to feel a little unsteady on his feet - I can see it in his eyes. What I love is that he tries it anyway. And when he succeeds, he does this funny little hoppy run that tells me he's feeling pretty darn good about the whole situation. So, I've been thinking a lot about fear. Have I ever let fear stop me from trying something? Definitely. I've also taken some pretty big risks and felt like a kid at the top of the play structure - full of the joy of being alive.

What I've learned from my monkey bar experiences with Kolbie is that I really do want the kids to take risks. I want them to feel confident enough to at least try things even though they seem really scary. I believe that if we're going to be a part of something truly great in this life, we'll have to take a risk or two. While my kids' safety is important to me, and I do shut down a ridiculous stunt now and then, I certainly do not encourage them to merely sit and observe other children at play when we go to a park. I want them to experience it! And I think God wants the same for us. Unless we step outside of our comfort zone once in a while, we'll never know the exhilaration of being a part of something beyond ourselves. And I believe God is right there with us, promising to pick us up if we fall, bind our wounds if we get hurt, and celebrate with great joy when we reach the top.

I love the story of Peter walking on water (Matthew 14:22-32). I love the fact that Peter became afraid after he was already doing it! So often I forget how great God is, and that His power has already accomplished such amazing things in my life, and I start to sink in a sea of discouragement and fear. As Jesus did with Peter, He will save us from our own lack of faith when we cry out to Him. The more often I step out onto that water, the more my trust in God's power grows, and the more excited I am to experience the exhilaration that comes from being a part of His great adventure.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 

2 Timothy 1:7

Adoption: So much more than 'Plan B'

I've written briefly about our adoption journey before, but thought it might be insightful to give a bit more background. Adoption has always been something I've wanted to do. Well, ever since reading Anne of Green Gables, and watching Annie, and seeing a documentary on the plight of orphans in Romania... In fact, I was quite convinced that my parents should adopt a Romanian orphan, but apparently they didn't feel as sure as I did!! The conviction that adoption is a good thing to do remained with me as an adult. When I met Brian and our relationship turned to talk of marriage and kids, I was quite excited to find that his thoughts on adoption were similar to mine. We agreed that even if we were able to conceive children genetically related to us, we would still look into adoption. I'm telling you, if I hadn't already been smitten with him, this would have pushed me right over the edge!! As it turned out, pregnancy did not look likely for us, so we immediately began exploring our options. Again, we were both on the same page as we looked at the various types of adoption. International and private adoptions did not seem financially feasible, and we both felt that domestic government adoptions were, for the most part, often overlooked. The more we looked into it, the more we felt that we were being called to make a difference in the life of a child currently in foster care and desperate for a forever family.

Before I go any further, please let me clarify: I do not think that everyone should adopt, and I do not think that all infertile couples should abandon medical solutions in favour of adoption. It's not for everyone! It's messy and complicated and often tragic. All I'm saying is that we felt an undeniable call from God to go down this road. We are absolutely convinced that this is what we were meant to do.

This brings me to my main point. For us, adoption has become so much more than a solution for infertility and a way to build our family. As my mom pointed out, isn't that a somewhat selfish way to look at it?! When we went through our pre-adoption training with Child & Family Services, they reminded us often that the children are their primary clients. They are in the business of finding the right family for each child, and not the other way around. Brian and I were convinced that, with God's help, we could provide the love and security these children were so desperately looking for.

And that brings me to my next point. We are not any more special or talented than any other parents out there. A lot of people "ooh" and "ah" over how close our kids are in age, how quickly our family grew, and how busy we must be. They say things like, "I don't know how you do it! I could never do that!" I know these comments are meant as compliments, but I firmly believe that no one knows what they can do until they step up and try something a little bit beyond themselves. If we have been a part of something great, we have to give all the credit to God. All we did was obey His call on our lives. And trust me, even this obedience was tainted with impure motives at times. Did I start out on this journey looking for a way to fulfill my dreams of being a mother? Absolutely. Was I attracted by the relative speed and low cost associated with government adoptions? Yes. But God is faithful, and He has blessed our obedience despite our many weaknesses and imperfections.

The spiritual significance of adoption is the other piece that makes us so passionate about it. As children of God, we have been adopted into His family (Ephesians 1:4-6). In the Old Testament, you had to be a part of the nation of Israel in order to be considered a child of God. Now, in His great mercy and grace and through the work of Jesus Christ on the cross, anyone can become a child of God. And the Scriptures make it abundantly clear that there is no difference between any of us (Galatians 3:26-29). We share the same inheritance, and have the same status before God. Our spiritual adoption into God's family makes us even more excited about adopting children into our earthly family. We feel so blessed to be able to be a part of His work in the world and reflect His heart towards children who don't have the security of a permanent family.

Well, I think I've said most of what I wanted to say. (Brian would like to warn you that, with me, there's always more!) Hopefully this has helped you understand our journey a bit better. For us, adoption has become more than just 'Plan B', or second best, and we do not harbour any secret desires to have children genetically related to us. We can't imagine our family any other way! And we are so thrilled that God has called us to do some of the good that needs doing in our world.