Waving the White Flag

Our parenthood journey has involved a fair bit of uncertainty. The adoption application process seemed unending at times, and had no set timeline. Even after we were approved as adoptive applicants, we still had to wait for a match. Then there was the legal risk aspect to our kids' adoptions, meaning that we had no guarantees they'd be able to stay with us after they'd been placed in our home. I have never been a big fan of anything open-ended, vague, or uncertain, so this has been a stretch for me. Many times I have been tempted to (and/or guilty of!) taking matters into my own hands in order to bring stability and certainty back into my life. My favourite example of this is when Brian jokes that even though his hands are on the wheel, I'm actually driving the van. :)

During the time we were waiting for our home study to be completed and a match to be made, I was reminded often of the story of Sarah, a kindred spirit. (See Genesis 16 and surrounding chapters.) She knew that God had promised her husband a son, but she grew tired of waiting. In my mind, this is very understandable. She was well past her child-bearing years and I totally get how she could find herself in a place where she'd want to try something drastic. So, since there was a custom which involved using a maidservant as a surrogate mother, that's what she did. And it resulted in a good deal of trouble and heartache. God used this story to remind me to wait for His timing since taking things into my own hands might end badly.

Lately, I've been dealing with uncertainty again. Fear has given birth to a desire to take control, and I'm being forced to trust God's plan and timing. I am being reminded that many (okay, MOST) things in life are not in my control. And when I remember to surrender my worries about the future to Him, I am filled with peace and calm.

A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" 
Mark 4:37-40

The One who commands the wind and the waves and has proven faithful time after time will calm the storm in my heart as I put my trust in Him.