Helicopter Parenting

I like predictability. I am also a big fan of structure, routine, and met expectations. I truly enjoy making to-do lists and checking off each task as I complete it. If I knew my husband wouldn't injure himself laughing at me, I'd probably even put things like "get out of bed" and "drink coffee" on my list - just to give myself a few more things to check off! I feel a deep sense of satisfaction when everything goes according to my plan... As my motherhood journey enters its fourth year, I am realizing more and more just how much I like to be in control.

When my kids were babies (and they were pretty much all babies at the same time), this was all good. Bedtimes, naptimes, eating times, pooping times - I was on top of it all. Not that I felt in control of it all the time, but I was there for it all. I knew what to feed them, when to feed them, when to put them to bed and when to change their diapers. And they couldn't really do too much about it - I was in control of every aspect of their little lives and, looking back, I think I liked that. They're not nearly so predictable and easy to manage now. And I have to fight the urge to hang on to my need to know everything about them at every moment in time.

While I have been aware of how easily I could become a helicopter mom (ie. always hovering) for some time, it all came to a head this past weekend. We were in Saskatoon to celebrate Easter with Brian's family, and I had been looking forward to the big family gathering with some anxiety. I felt that I simply could not be expected to let the kids play without being checked on for longer than a few minutes at a time, and this had been a source of conflict between me and Brian since Christmas. He felt that my inability to relax was hurting me and my relationships with others. We had discussed it a few times, but had not reached a consensus by the time we left on our trip. After much openness, a great deal of patience, and a wee bit of irrational logic, we had agreed on a plan by the time we arrived: I would do my best to relax, trusting the older cousins and our kids' lungs to alert me to trouble, and Brian would make an extra effort to check on the kids a little more frequently than he thought was absolutely necessary.

I'm happy to say, it worked like a charm! The kids had a blast running around with their cousins, no one got seriously hurt, and no property was damaged (as far as I know). I was even able to enjoy a game of Wizard - as much as one can enjoy a game one doesn't win...! And I learned a lot about myself through my discussion with Brian. Turns out I was motivated more by my own insecurity and need to be seen as a competent mother than by a reasonable concern for their safety. I'm certainly not cured of my desire to be in complete control; I think this whole process of letting go and deciding when they can handle a bit more freedom and independence will always be difficult. I think it will require a lot of wisdom and discernment, and more than a little prayer. I think I'll always be tempted to hover. But I've learned a couple of important lessons - one being that Brian is sometimes right!! The other - my babies can't soar if Mommy's blocking their airspace.