The Good Parent...

What does it mean to be a good parent? This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I always assumed good parents would have good kids, but I'm starting to question this assumption. On one hand, I know that my kids are just like all other humans - capable of great love and beauty, but also able to bring a world of hurt and disappointment down on themselves and those who love them. On the other hand, I've found myself operating under the deeper assumption that if I do my job right, then my children will bear the evidence of all my hard work their entire lives. Right?! (Don't get me wrong - I do, and will always, believe that parents hold immense power and responsibility for how their children grow and develop - I'm just wondering if my underlying assumptions and motivations need adjustment!)

After all, people aren't puppets - if I wanted total control, I probably should have become a ventriloquist. It seems incredibly self-centered, now that I think about it... to believe that my children's behaviour is a reflection on me. As if my self-worth as a parent is dependent on their behaviour! Seems like a recipe for disaster. What happens when I apply this model to my own parents? They're quite wonderful folks, and they love me a lot. I consider them to be very good parents. My choices in my twenties, however, likely made them feel like complete failures. They're not.

And what about God? It's widely acknowledged that He is the only perfect parent, but how have His kids turned out? Throughout history, from the accounts of God's people in the bible to the lives of Christians today, we see spectacular examples of imperfection - deep character flaws leading to huge disasters. Do I think that God is a failure as a parent? Well, no... When I reflect on my own life, I see how God has always loved me, despite my failures. I see that He has redeemed my mistakes, and brought about great beauty through them. I see how my life has been restored, and realize that much of what I see now would not exist if I had not made the mistakes I did. Through it all, God has remained the same: loving, merciful, gracious, forgiving, and always guiding me to what's right and good.

So, back to my question. What does it mean to be a good parent? Perhaps it's not ultimately about my children's behaviour. Maybe MY behaviour is what I should use to define my success as a parent... Am I working to reflect the love and character of God to my children? Do I respond to their mistakes and failures with grace and forgiveness? Or am I allowing my feelings of success and self-worth to be determined by their actions, which are largely out of my control? Hmmm...