Matrix Moments

I've been thinking about this blog post for weeks (where has the month of August gone, exactly?!), and I decided to re-read my previous posts to make sure I'm not getting too repetitive! I discovered a definite theme - it seems that we're building up to something big. And I think we're starting to get a bit of clarity as to what that might be!

Clarity is a tricky thing. For years, we've had a burden on our hearts for older children in the foster care system who are waiting for a family of their own. Over the last few months, we've both felt certain that this is something we are still supposed to do. At the same time, we've been meeting with a number of like-minded people. People who feel certain that something needs to be done for these kids so that they can experience the love and security of belonging to a family... We are so incredibly excited to be a part of this!

So where does The Matrix come in? Well, we've noticed that any time we start thinking about doing something big and risky and scary and exciting, there is a force at work enticing us to maintain the status quo. It's as if we've lived in a comfortable, safe reality for most of our lives, and we are starting to want to live with our eyes open to a reality that includes a lot of hurt, heartache, and discomfort. Our safe, comfortable reality is not easily overthrown, however. We are often plagued by self-doubt - whenever I lose my patience with one of the kids I think, "Who am I kidding?! Can I really handle another one?!" We are fighting the temptation to embrace a certain lifestyle - "What about vacations to Disneyland? Pedicures? How much are we going to have to sacrifice?!" Really, we're caught between 2 conflicting worldviews - one that teaches that the best thing we can do for our kids is strive for a certain standard of living. The other teaches that true joy and fulfillment can come only when we stop living solely for ourselves and our own comfort, and start to live with eyes and hearts wide open to a world that desperately needs love and grace and second chances...

The movie analogy has its limitations. In The Matrix, once a character chose to throw off the matrix and live in "reality" that was all they saw. They could make trips back into the world as they once knew it, but they remained committed to living in the true reality. Life for us is more complicated: we have to train our eyes to view the world differently. We have to continue to live in one reality while maintaining our awareness of another reality. Not always easy to do.

Jesus was aware of this tension. In John 17, Jesus prays for his disciples. In fact, he prays for all of us who consider ourselves his followers (verse 20). He acknowledges that his followers "do not belong to this world any more than I do" (verse 16). He prays for unity and love and protection for us as we live a life that shows God's love to the world.

If that's our calling, then bring it on! We'll continue to fight through the self-doubt and the seduction of our culture. We'll embrace opportunities to step into uncomfortable situations if it means that a hurting heart will experience God's love. And we'll strive for continued clarity as we figure out exactly how God is going to use us to make a difference in the lives of kids in our world.